


tonight with words unspoken you said that im the only one, the only one

by fzywood



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Insecurity, John is good, M/M, no beta we die like men, smit is good, they both deserve a happy ending okay i love them, theyre both good, vent fic highkey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 16:37:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17083904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fzywood/pseuds/fzywood
Summary: John had a hard inner core which had been built up for years. No one was able to get through it.That was, until he had met Jaren.





	tonight with words unspoken you said that im the only one, the only one

John was full of insecurities and anxieties which ate him slowly almost every second. He had grown up with poor anxiety and a lack of self-confidence due to the people he had surrounded himself with, aka teenage boys who forced him to man up early or else he would’ve stayed at the bottom for the rest of his teenage life. He had to grow thick skin and hate himself internally, and soon he found himself keeping his issues bottled up and his insecurities locked away, hiding everything wrong with him through jokes.

 

As he grew and found himself taking a gap year for college, deciding to start up a YouTube channel and do something that he enjoyed throughout his childhood until even those days. Through this opportunity, and his channel somehow gaining some popularity, he started to gain connections and even befriended some people. Of course, while he had the most fun he’s ever had in his life, he never trusted any of them with what was hidden behind his rude (but joking) comments and fucked up jokes.

 

Then Jaren came along.

 

Jaren, aka Smii7y, was introduced to him through a guy he played with named Mini. Jaren’s humor, while not as harsh as John’s, somehow matched up. The two got along well and soon they would call each other one on one, sometimes record, sometimes not. John found a comfort in talking to the guy, and even though they had only met not long ago, countless times he almost sent how he was truly feeling or even small things that reminded him of Jaren. Of course, he didn’t out of pure fear of rejection and the possibility of Jaren thinking the worst about him, but that didn’t stop the onslaught of thoughts that constantly told him that  _ Jaren might want to know this  _ or  _ this reminds me of Jaren he’d want to see this _ and other thoughts.

 

One day he cracked though, and that day was at 3:24 am when John felt his insecurities clawing at his skin and whenever it got this bad, he would blast music until the lyrics mushed with his thoughts and he couldn’t discern between either thing but for some reason, his mind was moving faster than he wanted it to and he had sent Jaren a message.

 

**kreeoz gayman 3:29 am**

_ Can I rant? _

 

His hands moved fast to delete the message but Jaren had responded right before he clicked the confirm button for deleting the message.

 

**milk boi 3:30 am**

_ Of course, what’s up? _

 

It was too late now to back out, and so instead of telling Jaren about the main issues that were rooted deep into his core, ones where not even the sharpest of pickaxes or the hardest of tools could penetrate even an inch.

 

And so John spoke about light-hearted things that had either been around a long time or short, and Jaren stayed up with him, listening and hanging onto every word while giving John endless support whether it be in his long messages of him giving John love and aid, or short ones where he even said  _ okay _ because Jaren was  _ there. _ He was there, across a screen, helping John out more than he would ever think. And in return, nights later, Jaren approached him with the same phrase and John was there with the same support and love as Jaren gave him that night.

 

And as the years passed they grew closer, and after a while, John had spilled everything during a bad night. Every little thought that clouded his mind, every tiny nit-pick and every small insecurity, he said to Jaren. He knew it was a lot to put on someone but after being friends for almost two whole years, and while trusting Jaren with most stuff, he had decided that Jaren should know the  _ truth.  _ Should know who John truly was, that he hid everything behind a facade, that he was a big old faker.

 

But Jaren saw the good. Jaren saw the good in every situation, and when John was finished, Jaren was silent. He was silent but John knew he needed to give his friend time to process everything, but a message popped up sooner than expected that told him that he was sorry about everything that had happened to John, that he wanted to be there to constantly tell him how  _ wonderful _ and  _ beautiful _ he was. How  _ considerate  _ and  _ great _ he was. He wanted to hold him so he could know that Jaren was there and wouldn’t leave him, that he’d be a rock and that John would always have him for support.

 

John broke down at the message, not realizing that those were the words he needed to hear from someone, anyone, for years now. He was allowed to not be okay. He was allowed to show his insecurities to someone, someone who would accept them and wouldn’t just try to deflect them, but someone who would also help John realize that there were good things too within those flaws. 

 

Soon the hard, interior core was starting to chip.

 

And one day, without John even realizing it, the core was still there but wasn’t so cold and hard anymore. It was warmer, and while John’s insecurities and anxieties were still bad, he now had someone who was there. Someone who would give him a home when he felt like he had no place to go.

 

December 5th was the day that John would say he was his happiest at that point.

 

December 5th is when Jaren told John that he had booked a flight and that they’d be meeting.

 

By this point, John had far well moved out of his parent’s house and into a decent apartment. YouTube wasn’t a part-time hobby of sorts but instead an actual career, which John loved with a passion. His days were full of jokes and smiles now with people he felt comfortable with and felt confident in saying were his friends. His life had improved far more than he could have ever imagined and if he truly wanted to thank someone for that, it’d forever be Jaren. 

 

As soon as Jaren told him the news, in the middle of October that is, John had a heart attack (well, what felt like one in a way. His heart had stopped at the idea of finally meeting such an amazing person. Of meeting his best friend if he was honest). 

 

_ I should start cleaning then _ John had responded and he could tell Jaren got some amusement out of his comment.

 

John had started counting down the days, subconsciously mentioning it to his friends constantly (which while they were tired of constantly hearing the news, they also were incredibly happy. All of their friends knew how close Jaren and John were (leading to jokes of them being the same person) so for the two to  _ finally _ meet would be said that it was a long time coming).

 

The days went by fast but felt slow when December 1st finally came around.

 

4 more days.

 

Then 3.

 

Then 2.

 

Then 1.

 

Then it was the day. 

 

It was the day John would finally meet his best friend, and though that term had started to leave a sour taste in his mouth for a while as if there was something missing from it, he always ignored it. He knew that they were best friends (even if they joked about hating each other) and knew nothing would ever get in the way of that.

 

Especially not when John realized, later that day, when Jaren was falling asleep on his couch as they watched Mystery Science Theater 3000 and his head was on John’s shoulder, his breaths light and everything about him seeming angelic, that he was head over heels for Jaren.

 

He let out a heavy sigh as he carried Jaren to his bed, deciding he’d let the guest, have the big bed to sleep in. John didn’t mind taking the couch either, and whenever he slept on it he’d usually wake up earlier so it would help him get breakfast ready earlier. Jaren probably was exhausted from the plane ride, so this was the least he could do, especially after everything he’s done.

 

Each day, with Jaren there, was a simultaneous hell and heaven. Heaven because everything felt amazing with his best friend, whether it just be sitting at home watching some movies as they tease each other or going into public and having fun there. They worked with each other perfectly and John never wanted the week to end. Hell though, because he suddenly had urges to hold hands with his best friend or even give him kisses at terrible times (which he always had self-control but god, Jaren made him want to just kiss him all over until the brunette was laughing and smiling and wow, John was falling too deep).

 

When the week came to an end, and John was driving Jaren to the airport at 4 in the morning, the brunette made the move and placed his hand on John’s, which had been on the stick. When Jaren did this, John wished it was more but brushed it off of as just Jaren wanting to remember his touch (in a strictly platonic way) before he left. 

 

A soft tune was playing on the radio and John was quietly singing along, his eyes focused on the road.

 

_ “Tonight the light of love is in your eyes,” _

 

As John pulled up to the quiet airport, the cars and people that were there were all spaced out, the blonde placed the car in park and unbuckled his seatbelt as something he never expected to happen did happen.

 

_ “Will you still love me tomorrow?” _

 

Jaren’s lips were on his own.

 

Jaren was kissing him, and John let himself kiss back, placing a soft hand on Jaren’s cheek as he let the voice of Amy Winehouse drown out any worries and the warmth of the kiss drown out all the anxieties which were screaming at him, ready to attack him when Jaren would leave. Jaren ran his hand through John’s hair, stopping right before he could fully pull his fingers through and John pulled away for a second, letting himself and his best friend catch a breath before kissing him one more time. This time though, he was slow and made sure to be careful, wanting to remember every single moment of this. Once they pulled away, settled on that final kiss, they just stared into each other’s eyes and Jaren shook his head as he let it fall on John’s shoulder.

 

“I’ve wanted to do that for such a long time now.” He muttered as John moved his arms so he had Jaren in a half hug

 

“I don’t want you to leave,” John whispered and he felt Jaren nodding into his shoulder.

 

“But, you can always visit again, and I can visit you.” John tried to reason and Jaren shrugged before popping up.

 

“We should start going if I wanna get a good seat while waiting.” Jaren reasoned and John nodded, the two leaving the car and headed to the trunk to get his things.

 

After putting hazards on, since nobody would care if the car was left there alone for a few minutes, he made a (not so) bold move of grabbing Jaren’s hand and the two walked into the nearly-abandoned airport. People were scattered and as the two walked to where John could go the furthest, a pit in his stomach was building and he knew that as soon as they would say goodbye, that everything within him had a good chance of falling apart.

 

While Jaren wasn’t truly leaving him, it still hurt like a bitch. The one good thing in his life was about to leave him for who knew how long and John wished that they lived right next to each other so he wouldn’t have to worry about this again. They shared one last kiss before Jaren turned around, slowly letting go of John’s hand, and started to walk towards the security check area.

 

As John watched him leave, he reminded himself that Jaren was always a phone call, a text, a simple call away, and he’d always be there. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi i havent written a lot but witner break is here and i literally plan on locking myself in my room for most of it lol! anyways, i have been really Really soft for krii7y recently and ive also been hella stressed so :). thanks for reading btw! love yall tons
> 
> come check me out at tumblr @inuttorious and come talk to me or smth!!


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